Snowed In? Oh Well, There's Always Facebook.

I just got a notice that my 8:50pm flight to Louisville has been delayed until 11:30pm. Buuuuuuuuuuut, I should still get there by 8pm, so that I can get a comfy seat for my nearly three hour wait. (And that's assuming that my plane actually takes off.)

I should be annoyed by this, but I'm really not. I have a good book to take with me ("American Gods" by Neil Gaiman) and the final two Alan Moore, Swamp Thing graphic novels. And a full ipod of music, Venture Brothers episodes and podcasts to keep me entertained. If all else fails, I can lean up against a wall somewhere and catch some z's, at least until the snoring alerts security and they send someone see what the deafening racket is.

I'm fine with the delay. The great big fat snowflakes that are covering my city in a big, white blanket right now doesn't mean to do me any harm. It just is. Snow just snows. There's not too much to be said beyond that.

And there are worst places to be, than busily occupied in an American airport. Like, work, for example. Being at work would be worse. Being buried alive under an avalanche would be worse. Pompei, looking up at an erupting Vesuvius would be worse. Or pushing through a high-rise plate glass window to prove to an intern how strong it is, would be worse. All things considered, I don't mind the airport. I don't mind the delay.

The holiday has officially begun, when I walk out this door. This is cause to celebrate.

If I owned a laptop, I could spend my idle time, farting around on Teh Facebook. Of which I am now a member. After a friend (Brandy) talked to me about it today, I decided to join the damned thing. She said, "You'll see so many people on there that you haven't seen in a while" and I do. I think I have 80+ friends right now, with more trickling in from the 300 contacts in my email contacts list. People pop up and write a funny message on my "wall" and then disappear again. My friends are a strange mix of Chicago Friends and High School Friends and College Friends. Three distinctive phases of my life, blending together in some sort of surreal, chronologically-dissonent, massive cocktail party. The girl that I used to drool over in high school is "friends" with me, right next to the girl that I drool over, these days. Former teachers. Former enemies. Former Lovers. Current friends. All mashed together in a hodge-podge of faces and cryptic messages "Remember me from high school? We didn't really talk much. But I remember you." As I said, it's strange to be a participant in this whole, robust online community. There are all new rules of engagement to learn, new mistakes to make (What do you MEAN that message I wrote on your Wall was publicly posted?!?) new levels of non-communication to negotiate.

It would've made a great time waster, while at the airport. And a good ending to a day that started out weird. This morning, while riding the bus to work, I called and contacted an old high school/ college buddy, Alan K. There's a gathering on Friday, after Christmas at Kevins house for old Western alums. We decided that we should try to get Alan there and an internet search for his phone number lead to his brothers house and his brothers wife gave me his cell phone number and we actually talked on the phone for twenty minutes, at work today. Alan is going to try to make the party on Friday. I hope he does. It will be good to connect with him again after an 11 year absence.

Today has been a day for re-connecting with the ghosts from the past.
For forgiving myself for who I am today, as compared to who they thought I was, then.
This sounds totally gayballz, but I'll say it anyways. The whole time, today, that I've been diving deep into my past, on teh Facebook, I've been thinking about Benjamin Button and how steadily and maturely, he navigated the forces of his life. The things you can't take back.
The things you wished you'd done.
The people you've crossed lives with.
The places you've been.
The person you used to be.

I've been confronting all of those things with a steadiness and a reassurance of self that I normally don't have. I accept who I am now. I accept who I was before. I forgive myself for the dumb things I did in the past. I forgive the people who did cruel things to me.

From this perspective, everybody you meet or have met is your "friend".

Something to mull over as I pass the minutes and hours in Chicago's Midway airport.

Go Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas, Now.

Cheers,
Mr.B

Out On The Frozen Tundra: A Weekend WrapUp

Well, this was a pretty good weekend, actually.

Friday was a work day that refused to end. I walked out of the theater at 7:15pm to talk up to the theater for a 7:30pm curtain of our current holiday show. (My third time seeing it this season.) My good friend, Ian, came out to see the show with me and we generally agreed that it was a good show. Afterwards, we caught dinner over at Clarke's, right next to the theater. It was good to catch up with Ian. I forgot how funny he is and we laughed about girls, dating, theater and our jobs for a while. A great time. Ian and I caught a cab over to Katie B's holiday party and while we were there a little late, we DID catch a few drinks and bull-shitted with Megan P. for a while. Again, the company was so good, that I laughed until the back of my head hurt. Good friends.

Saturday was a work day. I slept until 10am, caught some lunch and then went in to work at noon. My boss was in the office and we worked together for 45 minutes, as I finalized some stuff for the imminent London trip. I walked out of the office at 2pm and then caught a bus and then another bus down to the South Side for my afternoon voiceover lesson. After months of work, we're just about ready to head into the studio and record my first voiceover demo. That will happen on the first Saturday in January. We've got 6 or 7 commercial spots ready to go. And I'm researching 2 or 3 more narrative pieces to go with those. All in all, we'll records 10 different spots in about an hour. I'll get a CD of my works and then have them email mp3's of the spots to me. After that, i set up a website and begin campaigning for voiceover work. If that starts coming home to nest, 2009 will be a very good year.


Another International Stinger Holiday Special.

Saturday evening, was the second performance of the "International Stinger 2008 Holiday Spectacular". In past years, we've done a Holiday-Themed show, a show from an all-elf cast, a Dickens-style holiday show, a Hanukkah show and this year we did a "Late 70's, Early 80's Holiday Television Special" (from backstage). One of our theatrical conceits was that we would open the center of the upstage curtain and perform, with our faces pressed to the back wall. This indicated to our audience, that they were backstage at the show, watching the performers interact without the pressure of performing. And because it was a holiday special, we had an interesting mix of "novelty acts" like plate spinners and jugglers and late 70's celebrities (William Shatner, Pam Dawber, David Hasselhoff) conversing, hanging out and prepping to do the show together. Romances blossomed. Sabotage Occurred. At one point, in rehearsal, a seeing-eye gorilla took a gun and shot Todd Bridges onstage.

This last show, though, was probably the best of the bunch. It opened with me as Kenny Rogers talking to Cindy Lauper (a playful, bouncy, Melissa H). We were scheduled to do a duet together and I was nervous about it. Ben played "Pigeon Pete", an urban-animal trainer who taught pigeons and rats to do tricks. Before the show, Ben and I ran to Ragstock and he bought a red and white, holiday pimp hat. Ironically, "Pigeon Pete" was so laid-back, that everything was "coo" with him. Which was also how he addressed his caged pigeons "cooo!" Todd S was Mr. Belvedere, who was there to do some "Holiday Welding". Erin was the beleaguered stage manager, wearing an elf hat. Kathy B. was the World's Worst Tumbler. She wore a green, 1980's dress and a high-tight permed wig and was determined to get every celebrity to sign her breast. (We learned early on that she'd had a mastectomy and wanted us to sign "the good one".) Intrigue reared it's head when a stage hand delivered a letter to me from Dolly Parton, who was in the audience. We had broken up our act and there was trouble between us. But in her letter (playfully voiced-over by Chrissy), Dolly was ready to reconcile. (There was a funny bit where Erin came onstage and asked me what was going on. I told him I had a letter from Dolly Parton and that he had to read it. He accepted and we both looked over at Chrissy, who refused to read the letter again. After an awkward pause, I told him to read it "outloud", we both broke for a second, onstage and then were swept off of it. A really funny bit.) We had lots of fun with the Pigeon Pete character, at one point, his rats and pigeons were released and it looked like he was going to have to go on without them, but he was able to lure them back with an R&B rendition of the Pigeon Call. I swept that, since all other Stingers were onstage to be rats and pigeons. While Erin juggled behind me, I went out into the audience and addressed the only blonde lady in the audience, "I got your note" I said to her and we all knew that she was now Dolly Parton. I apologized to her for how I acted in Reno and that she was right to throw that tv set at me. I wanted her to know that I missed her too. And that i was sorry that we broke up the act. I told her that it was my Christmas wish that we would do the show Finale together. The lady was NOT having it. She laughed and laughed, but wouldn't make eye contact with me. Her friends cheered her on, but she kept waving me off, saying, "No. No. No. I can't. Thank you, Kenny, but no." She was laughing through the whole thing, so I knew I wasn't pushing her too far. I walked away from her, but turned back at the last second and sang a little bit of "Lady" to her, before I walked away. Big laughs on that. A few scenes later, the red light came on and it was time to wrap things up. Pigeon Pete and Mr.Belvedere were onstage talking welding and I grabbed the backstage mic and walked out to address the audience as Kenny Rogers. I ham-handedly connected my country music career and "I'll Be Home For Christmas" and Chrissy came out with her flute and Todd entered with his guitar and she played the opening chord and Todd strummed along with her and the whole cast joined me for "I'll Be Home For Christmas". I walked over to "Dolly Parton" and tried to get her to come onstage with me. She tried to crawl into her sweater and hide. When it looked like it was a "no go", I broke down and cried and screamed at her, "DOLLY PARTON, YOU RUINED MY LIFE! I'LL NEVER WORK WITH YOU AGAIN! ALSO, I SLEPT WITH YOUR SISTER IN TULSA OKLAHOMA, SHE LOVED IT! LIVE WITH THAT!" while everyone else held it together with the song, behind me. Lights faded down at the end of the song and over the mic, in the dark, I yelled "Fuck it!" and threw the mic down. When the lights came up, we got big applause, I apologized to Dolly Parton, we took our bows and that was the end of the night. It was one of of those nearly perfect shows, from start to finish. A perfect illustration of why this troupe is so special. A nice watermark of the work we can do together. I love my troupe.

After that show, I went to the Town Hall pub to have a drink and enjoy their holiday party. Santa Mees showed up and I sat on his lap and he gave me a kabuki mask and shirt. I also got holiday glow sticks, which I hung from my Kenny Rogers glasses. Greg got pics of those. I'll post them, when i get them from him. I hung out with Sam the bartender and Todd S. and Ben Parker for a while. The guys from The Senate were there and we got to hang out a bit too. At 11:30pm, it was time to settle my tab (13$, a raping that I griped about and then tipped over, a ritual between Sammy and I) and head to the theater for the BBR.


Visions Of Sugarplums.

I have to admit, I was pretty nervous, walking in there. I don't know why. I guess I was still a little bit ashamed about the conditions under which I left the show. But I needn't have worried. Everyone there was happy to see me. Lots of hugs all the way around. Pre-Show with Hendo was effortless. He helped set the seats out, i took care of front of house. We got our audience in, as quickly as possible and then the show began. After that, it was like old times, again. Hendo and I played together onstage, easily and naturally. I think I did a good job of complimenting his work, without competing with him. Setup for the acts went without a hitch and Hendo and I even found ourselves playing small parts in Titi Touche's striptease. The audience was a little quiet and we had two hecklers in the back that we had to quietly shush, late in the show. All in all, though, it was a pretty good show. The cast treated me wonderfully and it was fun being back in that costume and that character again. I got off a few good lines and only one mis-fire and had a blast.

After the show, we adjourned to the Town Hall Pub for post-show cocktails. Greg, Hendo and I ate pizza and drank our drinks. Hendo bought a round of shots for us all. Sitting there, between those two guys, overdosing on holiday cheer, I was as happy as I've been in a long time. It was good to be back with those guys. I've really missed them both.



Greg and I were leaving around the same time and we ran into Katie B and her friends outside the Town Hall. They invited us to an After-AfterParty at the UnderBar and we went. Greg and I make it a rule never to turn down a request by a pretty girl to go to a bar, with them. It was a short cab ride to this other bar, which I'd never been to before. At the bar, she and I caught up a little bit and I met her friends, Deepok, Chauncey and the Really Drunk One. Never caught his name, but he did say some really nice stuff to me about how much he enjoyed seeing me in the show. It was very sweet. Later, Chauncey learned how to twirl glowsticks in a circle, all trippy-like, but then he lost his grip on one of them and it went silently arching through the air to land somewhere behind the bar. A few of the drunks gave us the stinkeye for that one. But Chauncey apologized to the bartender and she gave it back to him, securing his promise NOT to go tossing it around again. It was pretty funny.


Fucking Freezing.

The party broke up around 4 in the morning and Greg and I stepped out of the bar into the Frozen, Fucking Tundra. Because the bar was right next to the viaduct on Western, we knew that we would have a short walk to catch a cab. So, we traipsed up Western, crunching hard snow drifts underfoot. The wind was blowing insanely strong and it pushed us both up the street. At times, I couldn't hear what Greg was saying behind me. The wind was that loud. My ears felt like they were on fire, they hurt so badly. At the bus stop, Greg wrapped his scarf "Baghdad Style". All I could see was his eyes. I re-wrapped my scarf and pulled down my hat and wrapped myself as tight as possible and waved for cabs until we thought we were going to freeze to death. (I found out later that the wind chill was -30 below.) It was terrible. The coldest I can remember being in a long, long time. A cab finally came and we were on our way.

Sunday was pretty uneventful. I slept in and ordered Chinese for lunch. The wind was still up and it was -30 degrees during the middle of the day. I watched the first disk of "The Two Towers" and cleaned my room a bit. Late in the day, I did some Christmas shopping. The weather being what it was, I settled for a "Interesting Book & Gift Card" Christmas for everyone. I finally got home around 6pm and refused to leave the house for the rest of the night. I played LEGO Star Wars until my eyes watered. Our apartment was pretty cold, due to low pressure in the steam heaters. I hooked up the electric blanket and closed my door to keep the heat in and eventually got it up to 69 degrees in my room. Maggie and I slept pretty well through the night.


The Courthouse in Downtown Louisville, Ky.

Today, I have some work stuff to get done.
Tonight, the dog gets a bath and I pack my bags for holiday travel. Ian is also putting OS on the tower that I bought from Rance, a million years ago. He's also going to solve the Mystery of the Blue Box, which came with the tower.
Tomorrow, I work again.
Tomorrow night, I fly to Louisville, Ky for the holidays.
Saturday morning, my mom's side of the family takes a short trip to Gatlinburg, TN and we hide out for the Christmas Holiday weekend. We celebrate one of my cousins sons' birthdays with a Big Pancake Breakfast. Later, the kids all go tourist sight-seeing in Gatlinburg. I have it in mind, that I am going to try to do Indoor Skydiving, while in Gatlinburg. If that happens, I'll post pictures here.

I don't know how active this blog will be while I'm gone for the holidays. So let me say this to you now,

"Wherever you are, Whatever you do for the holidays, Take Time to Enjoy the Good Company of Those Around you. I hope you are warm, safe, well-fed and loved by your Family. Have a Merry Christmas!"

All My Best,
Mr.B

Tis The Season for "Scared Of Santa"

One of my favorite holiday traditions is to peruse the "Scared of Santa" gallery. Now you can too, by clicking on this link. If you've never seen it before, "Scared of Santa" was a contest that the Florida Sun Sentinel ran a few years ago, asking readers to submit pictures of themselves or their children, being terrified by Santa. It caught a lot of press initially and people continue to submit their pics, years later. It's a great way to get into the holiday mood...

Enjoy.

Cheers,
Mr.B

He Knows The Question. And He's Going to Pop It Too.

One of my best friends just casually mentioned to me, over the phone, that he's going to propose to his girlfriend on Christmas Eve. Speeding it's way to his apartment, right now, is his mother's own wedding ring. He's going to add a stone to it for his girlfriend and give it to her on Christmas Eve.

And by uttering that simple phrase, followed by "I told you this, didn't I?", this guy sent me spiraling into a dizzying spin of memory, nostalgia, regret and internal debate.

Instead of being excited for this good friend, I am left wondering how it has happened that I am the last of the four of us, all tight friends from college, who hasn't found someone for myself, yet.

Is it because I have dedicated too much time to theater and my artistic passions and left no time to be with someone?

Is it because I've had love and lost it or worst yet, denied it outright?

Is it because I've traditionally picked partners, based solely on my urges to help people who are suffering, and ended up dating girls who are just not emotionally stable enough to sustain a relationship?

Is it because I frequently have attractions for girls who are not available to be in a relationship with me and when they DO free up, they're too busy recovering from the relationship that they just left?

Is it because I've been too cautious? Have I held off for so long, that I'm no longer attractive as a potential partner? (Somebody once said, that a single, un-married guy in his .... 30's, 40's, one of the two... wasn't "an undiscovered gem", but was "a huge warning sign". When does that crossover happen?)

In my life, the concept of marriage and commitment have danced at the edges of all of my relationships.

One girl, I would've married, but I fucked it up, right proper, for the dumbest possible reason. I maintain the belief that I should be with her, to this day, 15 years later.

One girl, I wanted to marry. Her fucking another guy (maybe two others beyond him) ended all consideration there.

One girl, I also considered marrying, but frankly, she forced the issue by making living with her to be unlivable. Once that wasn't an option, marriage wasn't, either.

One girl, wanted to be married, even wanted to be married to me, but she wanted it before I did and once that pressure was applied, I got out, rather than continue to disappoint her, over and over again.

One girl, I would've married, but she ended things to go back to what was familiar to her and that was, as they say, that.

I know I bear responsibility for the decisions that I've made, to get myself here, to where I am. Both good and bad. I lit several of the matches that burned old relationships to the ground. Some of them were lit for me. And still others were not stable in their foundations, enough to consider habitation within. Once a person becomes an atheist and accepts responsibility for their own actions, it removes all influence of fate, random circumstance and God.

So, I am at the inescapable realization that I am where I am, because I have allowed myself to be here, either by choice, action or the lack thereof.

I am also reminded that if I were to be totally honest with myself, I WANT to be with someone.
I WANT to be married, committed, stable.
I WANT a partner and a lover and a friend and a wife.
I WANT her to be all of those things, rolled up into one.
I WANT to work to be worth her time, attention and commitment.
I WANT her to be worth mine.

I want these things and I do not have them. I'm not even on the path to have them. They do not seem to be eminent possibilities to me, right now.

And that's troubling to me.

This friend said, "When you know, you know" answering the doubts that I had not even voiced yet. Of course, my first question was going to be, "Is this too soon?" It was the first thing that came to my mind. And he, knowing me as well as he does, answered it before I even said anything. And then he helpfully added, "You know?" to which I had to honestly answer, "Not yet, I don't. Maybe someday."

You might have guessed who I am talking about. If you think you know, wait until after Christmas Day to confirm it with him. It will hurt his feelings to know that I'm talking about it here. So, do him that service, and don't discuss it with him, until after the turn of the year. There will be plenty of time to celebrate it then.

All My Best,
Mr.B

Oh, I'm Coming Home For Christmas.

It's been a busy week for re-building bridges for me. Old grievances that had aged to the point that they weren't present for re-consideration were re-examined, smoothed over and in some cases, repaired.

On Monday night, as I was walking into my theater to see opening night of our new show, I got a call from Hendo's cell. Thinking that something had gone "Boom" at the theater, I called him back immediately. When I told him that I was about walk into the theater, he explained that it wasn't time-critical and that I could give him a call back that night. And that was the plan.

The plan that I forgot.

After the show, I attended the reception briefly. My guest and I scooted out of there and cabbed up to our neighborhood. I walked her to her apartment. And on the cold walk home from her place, I got distracted by other issues and I completely forgot that I was supposed to call Hendo.

Tuesday evening, out in Beverly, after a two hour commute, Hendo called me back. We chatted about theater stuff for a bit. My theater. Our theater. People. Current Events. He even clued me in on some recent news that I'd previously missed.

At one point, he said, "Hey, not to get distracted by chit-chat, but I actually have a pitch that I want to make to you.." and with very little flourish, Hendo asked me if I would consider coming back to the BBR.

I want to be very clear here. It wasn't a suck-up session. Hendo didn't blow smoke up my ass or re-hash water well under the bridge. He just laid out his case, very matter of factly. My old job had opened up again. And the company was considering what to do with it and he'd made the case to ask me back. His point was that I could bring back the strengths that I brought to the show. And that the problems that he and I had, are pretty much resolved. And that the dynamic within the company had changed, also, to the point where the conditions were ripe for us to have a successful partnership again. He asked me to consider it.

And I did.
I am.

From my perspective, enough time has passed, that I'm over the issues that I had with Hendo. Issues that lead me to have to leave the company. And I didn't have any issues with the girls or the rest of the company. In short, there aren't a whole lot of obstacles for me to come back to the show.

I asked for a little time to think about it and suggested that i would want to contact Megan to get her thoughts on it. Hendo thought that was a good idea. He ended the call by thanking me for hearing him out and sincerely hoping that I would consider it. I thought that was very professional with him.

My phone call with Megan was also very professional. Honestly, it was easy and smooth and Megan has a good head on her shoulders. She and I agreed that we thought that was a lot of potential for good. And that the problems I had before have potential to not be problems anymore. She suggested that we take it on a trial basis, with the intention of aiming for a permanent return. Hendo identified a show on Dec. 20th, that needs coverage. Megan and I agreed that I would do that gig. No strings attached. (In a later phone call, Hendo identified a show on Dec. 15th at another joint, where I could see the show again, see the girls again, without performance pressure. A very good idea. I'm going.)

And that's where we left things. I have a show, back with the company, on Dec. 20th. Both Hendo and Megan treated me with respect and kindness and I really appreciate it. One of them said that "conditions were good for positive step forward for my relationship with the show" and I agree with them. For my part, I left the show between performances. One minute I was there. The next show, I wasn't. And it felt sad and undignified, considering my genuine high esteem for the girls and the show. So, one way to look at it, is that I get the very generous offer to tread the boards and "whoop" and holler for the girls, one more time. And honestly, that's the nicest thing that could've happened to me. Something so nice, that I couldn't even imagine it for myself, without a little help from my friends.

Never underestimate another human beings capacity for grace and kindness.

You never know someone so well, that you can fully appreciate their capacity to do good by you.

Cheers all,
Mr.B